I Must Be Psychotic

This will most likely turn into another quickie post, but whatevs. But seriously, I'm both comforted and weirded out at the same time.

To put it simply, I've never been more thankful now than I ever have been for getting to have lunch with HCB on a friends basis. I like to think they're not weird. I like to think that the way I go about asking for lunch isn't weird, and the way we go about it in general isn't either. I'm definitely not one to claim to know how he thinks, even if he likes to say that men are easy to figure out, him included. Pfft, he's dreaming.

But somehow, I'm more comfortable with the notion that I can look but not touch and simply hope that whatever I said wasn't a totally awkward come-on, than have a kid a year younger than me flirt with me and proceed to suggest lunch...when you can so totally tell in his mind "Holy crap a date!"

And not just any kid a year younger than me, a kid who is supposed to be on the CA staff next year with me. From what I was told, even the same building. And if John and this incoming hall director is smart, they won't put me with him, either. I don't think I could work with that.

Basically, I've become more comfortable with a guy that honestly couldn't give a shit, yet I have to force a grin when this kid flirts with me. Hell, I'm more comfortable when my old neighbor (older than HCB, mind you) decides to flirt with me for shits and giggles, and he's fucking married. I want to be able to enjoy the attention, especially since I know nothing will come of it, but still...

Ugh. Time to bother the shit out of HCB to get up here and have a friends-only lunch with me. I need some fucking intelligence back in my life.