It's Almost Like I'm Bipolar

I don't know whether I should listen to myself or not most times. To put it lightly, I feel like I'm sick and tired of being single. But then the one moment where friends feels a little too much like something different, and I don't want. I don't want at all.

Or as is another case sometimes, I would rather do things with my girlfriends than act as a sit-in girlfriend for one guy.

To put things long story short, yesterday was CA interviews. I think I did all right, even though I feel like I might have done better. Other people have said I didn't do bad, so that helps...but there were other kids who were much more impressive. And I don't think I have much of a chance of ending up in Beede Hall if they don't put me on the Honors floor...bah, who knows were I'll end up, really.

However, after my individual interview, I ran into Mike (Josh's co-CA) sitting with my long-lost neighbor Brandon. Brandon! My good friend Nicole's older brother. So I ended up sitting with them talking, which was pretty fun. But now....now Mike wants to hang out. And not like "Hey, we should hang out sometime," but as in "Hey, are you free tomorrow?"

Hey, fun, but holy FUCK. Don't you think that's a little soon? Not to mention I've got homework, meetings, etc etc....I'm a busy girl. Really busy. And even though I like my down time, I prefer my down time to be alone. And it wasn't just a one-time try, he's really serious about hanging out. And I, well....I'm not a hanging out type of girl. Yes, I'll do it with other girls, but not with guys. With the exception of Jacob and Andrew. Jacob is missing about half of the rational side of his brain, and Andrew likes True Blood. I can't say anything bad about a guy who has a bottle of Tru Blood sitting in his room!!

Mike's a nice guy, he really is. He plays the guitar, he's in track, and his hair is pretty nice....but I'm just not one to say YES SIGN ME UP! for whatever.

Dating or no dating, I don't want. I'm surprised I would say no to dating right now, but I am. I have so many new opportunities right now, what with Spring Rush starting tomorrow (yay Alpha Xi Delta!), joining the honors societies (ALD/PES), and now applying to be a CA. And with still being on the newspaper, Honors Association, and a shit ton of homework, I don't really have the time to fit in a random bout of hanging out, much less a date.

And I'm horrible at saying no. I can do it, but I hate myself afterwards for it. Even if it's what I want.

I don't even care what the repercussions may be. I may be single for another whole school year or something like that, but I don't really care. I can deal, and I have more pressing matters. Like figuring out how to actually do well in my Honors Ideas in History class. :/

But despite that setback, yesterday was really awesome. I cheered on Alex as he played for a Wii in a Wii Boxing tournament that the CAs held. My individual went pretty well, and I think it helped that I had our hall director Dan as one of the interviewers. He told the other guy (I think they call him Trapper) that he liked me more, which was why he gave me a cinnamon roll a couple weeks ago rather than the other interviewer. I felt special. :D

Not to mention that at the group interviews, our group leader was Dillon. He's really an awesome guy. After when I got back to the North Complex, he was at the front desk with my current male CA Brett. Dillon asked if I was going to be his co-CA next year. Which led to jokes about how I'm the same size as his current co-CA, and how I have big shoes to fill (haha, I have small feet. :P ) and how they could actually probably just leave the clothes in the closet, I'd fit in them. Brett said he'll most likely be staying on 2nd Beede though, so that would be cool being a CA with him if they put me on the Honors floor (like they're supposed to!). Well, unless they decide Laurel's a better fit. But I hope they choose me. :3

Gah. Yesterday was too much testosterone and adrenaline for me, I think. Today I've got some hardcore writing to do before midnight, but first is Alice in Wonderland. Road trip to Yankton!

Professors & One's Shitty Spelling.

I really don't think I can take a professor seriously when they mean to write 'punctuation' on the board, but write 'punction' instead. And then, the professor goes on to grade my first graded assignment, he circles a bunch of shit, with the occasional question mark next to it. In class, he says that those are grammar/punctuation things, but doesn't really grade on that. When I talk to him after class, he loosely says they're superfluous.

In my opinion, if you're going to write ANYTHING on a student's paper, it had better be something worth looking at.

Yes, I'm more than a little pissed at this professor. He's a philosophy professor, not an English professor. Then if that's the case, why is he criticizing us on our English? Goddamnit.... I'm glad I didn't do so bad on substance, and I was moderately all right on development (even though I'll probably want to elaborate on that, too). But really, why are my lowest scores organization and clarity? He doesn't say a word on where I went wrong on either account. So how the fuck am I supposed to improve on my paper when I have so little to go on? Even Jean got more comments on her goddamn paper, and she got a B-. I got a fucking C+. I want some fucking directions here! >:O

That's all the more I'm saying on the situation. I know some of the criticisms were right, but that was because they were actually helpful. Everything else is asking rhetorical questions that don't even deserve an answer because they're in the stupid paper.

I ask you, is happiness an emotion? Not simply an emotion, but is happiness, or at least the term happy, a part of its definition in today's society? Because from what I understand from the dictionary, happy is a feeling. Happiness is the state or quality of being happy. However, grammatically, a writer sounds entirely retarded if they say 'Happy is an emotion'. Fuckin' A....I'm going to go kick something, then do some reading, then sleep. :/

Random Crap.

I have the sneaky suspicion that Josh found this. Which is plausible, since I had the link to it hidden away on Facebook till a couple of days ago. 'Course, for anyone to find it, that means they had to stalk my Facebook page. And if he was stalking my Facebook page, well...then stop it. :P

I dunno. Just overanalyzing shit again. Sometimes I think he only tolerates me, hides on Facebook, blah blah. But today he sat next to me at dinner (again, probably just tolerating it). Meh. He knows I don't bother him often. Any conversations over Facebook are minimal or rarely happen. I have his number, but I never text him. I'm making him make the first move, because I've had to do that before. It didn't turn out well. Plus, I have friends. If push comes to shove, they'd set me up with someone.

Besides, I'm so busy with shit this week that I don't have much time for anything else. Should be focusing on homework instead of other things. But I'm pretty damn close to finishing my paper for tonight, and I might settle down and seriously work on my cover letter for my CA application.

On the plus side, Thursday I'm going to a COR (continuous open recruitment) event with my friend Shelby. She's in Alpha Xi Delta, as is my friend Ashley, and I haven't had a person tell me yet that I would not be a good fit in the sorority. It might be crazy, but I am really considering it...which is why I'm going to this event. And for a little tidbit, Kelley Elledge is a sister of the sorority. I mean, come on. She was one of the few women I had as a role model when I was growing up. It would be freaking sweet to be in the same sorority as her!

On another note....random people keep on wanting to talk to me on Facebook. It's like 'No, dammit. I don't wanna talk to you.' I don't like talking to many people period on Facebook. After the first Hi How Are You's that's where my attention span ends and says '.....well nice talking to you!' and I wanna bolt. I really need to stop being lazy and organize my friends into lists, so I can hide who I want to... :/