Dream Journal #6

I was at home with my parents this time. So was Aaron. It was the Aaron I used to know, the one I would be proud to bring home. He was cooking dinner for us, and had me help with part of it. That sexual tension was still there, those brief touches on the arm or shoulder. When we were alone we would start kissing, but when it'd get too heated he'd slow down. "It's cheating." Then we weren't alone, and I ended up rubbing his shoulders  and back, and gave him a massage he was far too into.

...god I miss him.

Word Vomit

It disappoints me how fucking childish you've turned out.

Blocking me from your "professional" Twitter is one thing.

Reblogging shit when you see I'm on at the same time is another.

So is tweeting about your girlfriend on Twitter when I begin to tweet more frequently as well.

Not gonna lie, but it reeks of attention-seeking tactics and it's hurting yourself and your girlfriend more than me.

Besides, you know how overly attached she is. And you thought I was bad, hahahahaha.

Dream Journal #5

I was in Albuquerque again. Part of it I was just walking around, then had to find my purse that I had left somewhere. The other part, I was with Aaron and psycho filming something for a class. We were filming psycho driving around town, then somehow she crashed the car. Which for some reason Aaron and I left her to deal with that and walked to our new destination without her. The walk led to occasional arm touches, to Aaron saying "I've missed you" and the two of us hugging for longer than necessary.

Dream Journals #3 & #4

#3: Aaron says to me "I hate you because I love you." It was mildly aggressive. Not sure if it was out of anger or angry passion. Sigh.

#4: Involving a mixture of school and home. Involved an insane amount of screaming and fighting, then when the last screaming fight ended with me choking on the word 'bitch' because of tears I woke up crying.

But then again, that could've been because I upped the dose on the anti-anxiety meds and was still feeling good enough to skip the second dose before bed. Sooo no more skipping maybe?

Dream Journal #2

I was back in Albuquerque on the UNM campus, even though I've been there before and know it looks nothing like where I was. Why I was there, I've no idea. I just kept moving from chair to chair, knowing Aaron was around there and hoped I would find him eventually. Then I moved to a corner of the unknown space and he found me first. Sat down next to me. I could only stare, he's always been so gorgeous to me. He smiled, we linked arms like we did when we first met, always needing that physical touch. Someone turned around, and asked who I was. Aaron kept smiling but stuttered as to how to explain it. "Ahh...a good friend." He stands up, the physical touching's stopped. I follow him toward the other end of wherever the hell we were, but I lost him in the crowd and couldn't find him.

Then I woke up and wrote a dream journal about it here.

Then I really did wake up.

Dream Journal #1

Despite the anti-anxiety meds making me sleep pretty hard and fast during the night, I do have one brief recollection of a dream from last night.

Whatever it was, part of it included a revelation that his mother didn't like psycho girlfriend.

I know it's only a dream, but....damn.

Shots Fired

"Is it weird that I like it when my girlfriend wears my clothes?"

I dunno, was it weird that you gave me one of your sweatshirts? You sure as fuck didn't say anything when I wore your t-shirt in front of your mother, or when I wore your favorite button-down the day of the We The Kings concert.

I can't fucking wait for that Skype date with Mette. Get this fucking anger and venting out. You're still a fucking prick seeking approval of and for your girlfriend when it's entirely unnecessary. FUCK.