I told myself I wouldn't fall in love with you. I told myself that early on. Sometimes I do ask myself which of us started feeling it first, whether you or me. It was probably me, I'm stupid and hopelessly romantic like that. But considering how you flirted and instigated so much hope....maybe it was you who fell in love first. Maybe it was at the same time.
Now you're in a relationship with a bitch who is most definitely an abuser. Hey, let's list the things she's already shown even when you weren't in a relationship:
- Excessive and quick commitment to relationships (only 2 months of sex & 3 months of hanging with him)
- Isolation (him trying to shut me out and keep her a secret from me)
- Name-calling and demeaning (asshole/dumbass/satan/evil/white whale baby/Jesus Christ you loser)
- Dominating time (every Tuesday night and weekends, texting him during a concert, check)
- Insecure but presents a false sense of superiority (even more so than the chauvinism, check)
- Hypersensitivity and victim mentality (victim as in "damaged goods" and bipolar mother, check)
- Presents dual personalities (oh hell yes check)
Things that might not apply but can't rule out:
- Chauvinistic (superiority, pretty much)
- Extremely possessive and jealous, confused with love (telling him to go back to looking at pretty girls on Tumblr after a fight)
- Poor communication skills (broad but applicable, I imagine she)
- Threats against you, your children or of suicide for failure to comply, emotional extortion (....I don't want to think about whether she's ever hit him "playfully" and she talks about considering suicide every day)
....I so badly wish I was making this up. I had so badly wished that all of these signs were just in my head. But as soon as she called him a white whale baby, I knew I could never like her. And looking back at this list, yes it makes me sad that I can apply excessive monitoring because I saw this coming. Do I feel like it's disguised with concern for safety....I don't think it's much of a disguise in this case. Even better, I can rule out possessiveness and jealousy, because bitch please. I don't want to be anything like her. I don't want the relationship they have. I want the relationship him and I have.
What does this mean, though? It means I'm not changing a fucking thing. If the bitch gets jealous or nervous with me hitting on you, then big fucking deal. If you have a problem with it, then you can tell me to quit and then we'll discuss, but if it's for her sake then she can fuck off. You agreed with me that this relationship with her changes NOTHING. And to me, that means it doesn't change how I feel about you, or how I communicate with you.
If she's anything like I've dealt with in the past, she'll be writing hatemail to me in the next coming weeks saying I need to back off and that you're in a relationship with her for a reason. I'm still debating about telling you if it happens. I might just take it into my own hands, because I'm not 17 anymore and I can handle my own shit. Just gonna take some creative thinking as to how I'd respond.
I'm not going anywhere, bitch.
No comments:
Post a Comment