You think you're mind fucked? Oh you haven't seen what's been going on inside of mine.
All this talk lately about doing something vs not doing something, ideas vs reality....it's seeping into my thoughts and I'm scared it's going to drag me down farther than light the fire needed to get my ass into gear. I get it, I've sucked this year about talking. I've sucked so bad at saying I want to move to ABQ, I want to make a shirt for him and get a job and make these gifs. The only thing I've really followed through with is that trip to go see him.
That's the thing about anxiety, something my mom's struggled with and I'm starting to see I struggle with, too.
Yeah, I saw that status for approximately a minute. Then it was gone, and I'm stuck here agonizing whether it's been hidden from me or if he deleted it instead. I.....I don't know if I really want to know. I'm sorry I wasn't able to move down there fast enough for your liking. But sometimes I wonder if that would've even made a difference. Simply put, if you're disappointed in me for not being able to do something, then fucking get the balls to tell me.
....twice you said you were fucked in the head. Twice you told me that, once when I confronted you about shutting me out and again when you started that relationship. One day it'll all make sense to me, and the next it doesn't. These are one of those days where it doesn't make sense. You're mind fucked about your feelings for me, maybe, but why add to the confusion with a bullshit relationship.
I just really need a therapy session right about now. Sarah, the neighbors, anyone. I need a goddamn hug.
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