Testy Test

Out of boredom, Tumblr lurking led me to this. Colorgenics Personality Test

Name:	Meh
Date:	Saturday 4th 2012f February 2012 03:01:09 PM
Colorgenics Number:	3/4/0/1/7/2/6/5/

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Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.

The present situation, not of your making, is forcing you to compromise. You will have to hold back and forgo some of your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

You really would like to be completely uninhibited - to let your hair down - but you are held back by your sense of logic and rationalilty, since you realise that by simple stupidity you could lose everything - whatever that may be.



 ..........well that was more accurate than I anticipated. o.O

How Often Do I Have to Remind Myself...

I'm not the most important thing to some people.
He has other women who are far closer to him now.
Loneliness doesn't drive you to long-distance friends, only to those nearby.
Distance is a convenient excuse.
Whether it's homesickness, boredom or whatever reason...the silence is still the same.
Silence means there are better things...people to do.
Fucking be happy he's found a way to make his time there worthwhile.
Still doesn't make the silence any more comfortable...
If he's really not as shallow as you give him credit for, then fuck.
I hope he is shallow. Makes my stress slightly more stable.

Yes, I have homework to do. No, I'd rather depressedbitchrage than do homework.

One week doesn't mean he hates you now.
But if he doesn't have time in those two weeks to even say hi....dammit.
I hate being a fucking creeper.
I also hate other creeper women. Freaks me out even more than myself.

At least I can internalize shit...or find another outlet.

I hope 'leaving' means the same in other parts of the world, as in I'll prolly never see you again with any real frequency.
Fucking bastard.
Wish I could just sleep all day tomorrow. But noooooo....

I'm starting to question whether this is another hormone-induced rant. Probably.
Oh well, should probably go back to homework. Or Tumblr. Stupid Tumblr... :/
But not before I start the fucking doubts again. Seriously, why the fuck does he even keep me around...not like I'm anything to look at compared to the others he keeps contact with. Supposedly. Fuck.

Grammar 101

I'm convinced that the world needs to implement a lesson in English classes about the different writing styles, because lately Facebook people have turned stupid.

And sadly, it's not even about the poor spelling and sentence structures that has always plagued Facebook--it's the stupid shit such as this that appears on my wall.

Awesome, good to know for the rest of the world...but why is this an issue? Well I had to scour the comments to understand why. And the reason is even more saddening.

People apparently have taken issue to the fact that the New York Times doesn't use the third comma in a series. And to that I say, well NO SHIT! Seriously, are this many people ignorant of the existence of the AP Stylebook?

Ahh, rhetorical questions....yes, yes they are that ignorant. The same goes for people who discovered the University of Oxford's style book that also states not to use the Oxford comma...oh dear Lord, do they even know what the fuck university style books are used for? Universities have their own style books for PRESS RELEASES. I honestly wish I could understand why people don't understand this concept of having different rules for the English language. Are these English majors who've never taken a media class? Or are these people who are just so conceited after taking a college English writing class that they think they've mastered it? I can understand when these photos are created to help students understand why you should use the serial comma when you're writing an English paper...but I will still delete your comma if it ends up in a news story and I will rail on you if you don't do it. The only thing that depresses me more is when people then state that somehow the New York Times is WRONG when they delete the serial comma. The Times will make mistakes no doubt, but when you start saying that the way they write is wrong, you've crossed the line.

Might I mention that Spanish, French and German also don't use a serial comma? Are people now going to argue that a completely different language is wrong and should follow the English rules? Pfft....My vote is someone had better come up with a style book for the Internet.

It also doesn't help that I was riled up the other day with another status filled with idiocy. Thank you, foreign chick, for correcting your friend's incorrect usage of "here" when it should've been hear, then mocking the fact that he's teaching 1st grade English. It makes you look soooo much better when you then make the comment "Their so silly" IN THE SAME STATUS where you just corrected 'here'. *They're, bitch, they're. I'll take you more seriously when you quit using "u" as a word like a 7th grader and use full words like the 26-year-old I could only guess you are.

Fucking hell, this is why we need more editors in this world...

Not Ready To Start This Again

It's days like today that I remind myself how fucking low I really am on the totem pole...and it's amazing how fast that low level in one area can take over all others and cause you to feel like everything else stressing you out is just not worth it.

And that's the road I'm headed down. Between working, Volante, more working, and getting ready for classes, I'm close to getting burned out. I already was last night just thinking about it all. And on top of all that, I still have to get to McFadden to drop off applications and sign up for interview times and all this crap? What the hell...I'm on the verge of saying screw it, I won't take a second desk job just because the applying is a pain in the ass, plus I have just an hour more of shifts each week compared to last semester for Brookman. The only thing telling me I might as well try is the fact that I'm living off-campus next year.

Fucking hell.

I know most of the stuff I'm stressing over aren't worth the time or energy. Hell, half of it is just because I don't have the energy or the motivation to actually do the shit. Sure, I can live with managing the desk today. And the Volante office is just a couple buildings down, no biggie. And.....ohh yay, no floor meeting tonight. My apathy and self-hate is masking my gratitude. Maybe I can make the rest of the day better like I did yesterday. Even though that took most of my energy as well...

Basically, I'm at the point where I don't know how much longer I can keep lying to myself that I'm on solid ground, when these days remind me that there was no ground underneath me in the first place. I try to give myself hope, and sometimes that hope fades very quickly...or it sticks. And when it sticks, the results are usually worse that that quickly fading hope. Greeeeeat.

How often do I have to remind myself...I don't mean shit to him. Simple as that. He has other friends that he's closer with, other girls who he prefers to amuse himself with. And sooner or later, I'm going to have to brace myself for the inevitable end.

Awww Hell.

Today was the day I learned something quite interesting. By January, a surprisingly large number of my friends will be leaving--and not just graduating, I mean leaving the big country. Gone. And while for a few it's only like a semester or so, I don't know about the rest of them.

Laurel is going to Ireland to study abroad for the semester. HCB is moving to South Korea for teaching/PhD stuffs (and holy FUCK don't get me started on that now). And as of today, Cira is moving to Germany. Cira, my little freshman, the one person on staff who I could probably say knew me the best, even though she didn't know me the longest. The two of us were so like-minded...but now she's gone, and who the hell knows who's replacing her next semester.

Fuck.....it's one thing to leave Vermillion. It's another thing to leave North America. :/

What Is This...

Gah, what sort of weird shit is this?? Today I make friends with a grad student in my cultural studies class who likes to talk a LOT (however, he proved to be extremely useful in helping me come up with my paper topic). When I'm finally sick of the talking on Facebook I go offline. Just before midnight, I get a text from HCB asking if I'm still alive...

Wait. What? He's texting me to see how I'm doing all because he hasn't heard/seen from me in a week? This is....well, this is new to me. For the most part.Which led my reaction to be "You bastard, you just made me go d'awwwww for showing concern for me!" D:

Gawd.

Bad Ideas at 3 AM

It's late. So very late. And I have studying to do still. Shit....

I've realized that I have a cap to giving a shit about things. Last week was stressful as hell, extremely stressful. Now that the week has come and gone, I've pretty much quit giving a shit and have started enjoying life a little.

Then again, I'm afraid that the past couple of days I've shot my mouth off far too often to my own liking, and about stuff that may have pissed some people off. Again, I don't really care, and besides, if they get to know me longer they'll see I'm not usually such a bitch.

But still. I'm borderline stressed as it is, I'm only going to get more stressed as the week goes on...and I really should get back to work so that the stress doesn't get even worse tonight. :/