I Won't Back Down

I can not, WILL NOT, be blamed as the toxic person in this goddamn relationship. I have done everything I could to maintain communication in it.

YOU are the immature individual shoving it in my face passive aggressively that I'm the "shitty" relationship you've been in.

YOU are the immature individual taking my every Twitter/Tumblr/FB share/tweet as a direct slam on you.

YOU are the immature asshole who has been running from the very beginning, ever since you realized I actually give a shit about you.

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? Are you SO disillusioned that you can't admit your own part in the state we're in? YOU ARE THE ONE WHO RAN AWAY IN THE FIRST PLACE. You've never once apologized for being an asshole, and now when I've called you out on your asshole bullshit, you get butthurt over it? You spent so long convincing yourself you are an asshole, so when I call you out on how right you are lately you turn to shit?

If you have a problem with me, then fucking confront me. BUT OH WAIT YOU WON'T, because you think passive aggressive is the way to communicate with me lately. You don't want my side of the story, then fuck you. The way you've treated me is the way you think I deserve to be treated, but that's not how respect works: You treat people the way YOU want to be treated, and apparently you want to be treated like shit.

I'm the Princess Leia to your Han Solo. When I said "I love you", you said "I know." And since then, you've fucked over your own mind and our friendship so you could replace it with great sex and avoiding maturity. Look at how much Leia and Han had to fucking overcome. LOOK AT IT. NO DON'T LOOK AWAY TAKE A GODDAMN GOOD LOOK INSIDE YOU. You and your girlfriend are two toxic timebombs held together by what, your mutual insecurities? Fuck if I know because you refuse to communicate with me about what's going on.

You are in so much denial, I don't know what it's gonna take for you to get your head out of your ass. And when you do, I don't know if you'll realize the mistakes you've made. You're such a fucking hypocrite now, it's amazing you don't hate yourself.

Then again, maybe you do. You've wallowed in so much self-deprecation, your girlfriend is the only thing giving you worth now that you've shoved me away.

Treat me like shit, and the universe will treat you in kind. I have to believe this. I might not be patient enough, but it will come...

Why did I have to fall in love with you? Why did I have to fall in love with your smile, your laugh, your sweet words and your hugs? How fucking stupid am I to still love you with all your faults, knowing you have commitment issues, abandonment issues, self-consciously still picturing yourself as that chubby 10-year-old on top of your LTA braces years and acne you still battle?

Fucking tell me TO MY FACE that I don't know who you are, that I don't know how kind you are under the asshole exterior, and by god have you run the asshole exterior into the ground.

HOW DO I FUCKING SHOW YOU THAT YOU ARE EVERYTHING? You are both the asshole and the lover, but you are NOT this judgmental, biased individual who's incapable of forgiveness.