Please, Let This Be The Last Time....

Really, I'm sick and tired of chasing my tail.

All right, Jackass. How many times have we had to have this goddamn conversation...Every comment I make to you is not a personal attack. All I said was that 5 months is damn short in the long scheme of things. That was fucking UNCALLED FOR when you insinuated that our relationship was shorter than how long you've been dating my cousin.

You actually think that I don't know how hard it is to maintain a long-distance relationship? Fuck that, it's hard to keep ANY relationship going over a long distance, whether it be friends, family or significant others. It does not matter what type it is, it is hard. And just because you have moved around a ton growing up doesn't mean it's more difficult for you than it is for anyone else. Has it ever occurred to you that there are other people on the other side of the spectrum? Has it ever occurred to you that it's just as hard for those you're leaving behind? I've been left behind by MANY friends, and I can promise you it's no different. Trying to maintain that long-distance friendship is no fucking different than trying to keep up a serious relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend. And I've been able to maintain long-distance friendships, friendships with people I haven't even officially met yet. Want to tell me that it's not the same? Fuck you, asshole, someday you need to try it the other way around for once, then we'll see what you think.

You actually had the gall to tell me to get over the fact that you're dating my cousin? You say you had NO clue, not a fucking clue, but you did. The first time you ever met her, I told you I was related to her. You knew that in the back of your mind as you asked her out. Can I believe you didn't ask her out as a personal vendetta against me? Sure, even though it's so much easier to think you did. But to tell me to get over the fact that I'm related to her is just stupid. How about you stop referring to her as your girlfriend, does that make any more sense than what you're asking for? No, it doesn't.

You constantly compare our relationship to the present, and you might as well slap me across the face. Thanks for admitting now that you didn't have the balls to tell me the truth as to why you wouldn't break up with me in the past, that's great. No really, it is a small comfort...because at least then, you're admitting that yes, you couldn't fess up to how you really felt. Was it completely, totally wrong for you to string me along for those last two months, giving me the impression that you still loved me when you didn't? Yes, and frankly you should burn in hell for that. But honestly.....if I'm to be your friend, as you so called me, why can't you be honest with me? And if you can't be honest with me, are you honest with anyone else you call a friend? I know you aren't with Aaron Mead, so who else have you fucked with to get your way? Because I can't be the only one who refuses to accept the shit you try to pull on me.

God, I really shouldn't try to inform the incompetent....It's like, I can explain myself over and over and over again, but it never gets anywhere. I can't begin to count how often I told him I don't appreciate how he's treated me these past months, and even though he apologizes, albeit also metaphorically stomping away from the argument like a cranky toddler saying he'll never speak to me again, he still hasn't learned how easy it is for him to go back to treating me like shit. And I won't tolerate it.

Like how I won't tolerate him treating me like shit, yet continues to refer to me as a friend. Because if that's how he treats his friends.... :/

However, why not record this for further investigation...Background info, referring as to whether 5 months is a long relationship or not.

Jackass: You can't call it short when we ourselves didn't last that long :p

Me: Duh I know, but I'm not retarded, I wasn't going to call you out on it over a goddamn status comment.

And yes, I can call it short. One of my closest friends who graduated with me in May has been dating the same guy for over 4 and a half years. That is long, that takes commitment. My uncle has been dating the same woman for over 5 years now, that is long. My cousin was engaged to the same woman for 10 years before they finally got married in 2006, that was VERY long.

Just because I'm not dating, doesn't mean I haven't learned from others. :/

Jackass: short for one person is different for another. and based on the other two relationships i've had, which were both short for a reason, this is pretty long. especially at 1000 miles away. so i really think you have no room to talk.

Me: And if that's what you're basing it on, it's pretty shaky. 5 months--2 months longer than I, and 1 of those months as you said, 1000 miles away. Yeah, really impressive.

You say I have no room to talk, but that's your opinion. If you can't respect what I have to say, that's your problem. But at least I can respect the fact that you've been trying to make a long-distance relationship work with my cousin of all people, when you told me that you couldn't handle a long-distance relationship in the past. I'm sorry for even trying to tease you about it, but frankly, comparing our relationship to what you have now is a low blow.

Jackass: which is still that much longer than you. And you have no idea how hard a long distance is.

what's keni being your cousin got to do with it? It's not like i went out to find a person to date just to piss you off. And i'm definitely not dating a person in your family to piss you off either. I seriously had no idea she was even REMOTELY related to you. I wasn't even looking for someone to date either. At all. So get over the fact that Keni's your second cousin or whatever.

And don't you realize that I didn't wanna do a long distance with you for a reason, Darcy? I didn't have the guts to tell you at the time, but I do now. I didn't wanna do it because I wanted to break up with you there. Wrestling did have something to do with it, but the main reason was because I rushed into the relationship, and you weren't the same person I thought you were. And the person you actually are I can't see myself dating. It's just me. Friends, yes, dating, not so much.

Me: Wy, you're telling me to get over the wrong thing. Can I get over thinking that you had a vendetta against me? Yes I can, and I have. But get over the fact that she's my cousin? Forget it. And if it's not an issue with you, then you shouldn't be telling me to deny someone as family--it's like me telling you to stop referring to her as your girlfriend. Not gonna happen.

And thanks for telling me that you didn't have a pair while dating me. If we want an interesting conversation, why not tell me who you thought I was. And no, I'm not talking about how you thought I was Murphy. And no again, I won't get upset at whatever your answer is, really.

But as a friend, I did deserve the truth...and I still do. Whatever the reason, it's something I obviously didn't get from you. Is it ever too late to tell the truth, no. But you told me you didn't regret us, wouldn't have changed it for anything, and I don't know whether I should believe it or not...especially when you continuously compare our past to the present. Like I was so insignificant, a bad mistake. So if I really am a friend, start treating me like one, please.

Jackass: #1. No vendetta against you. #2. She's so distantly related to you i don't see why it matters that I'm even dating her. It's like you hated it from the start.

I don't regret that i ever dated you. I learned from it. I became who I am now because of it. It's just a section of my life I am not apt to have the best feelings for. I just changed from then, and there were things then I didn't like, and those things shaped me to who I am now.

I thought you were the person who I wanted you to be. Not who you actually were. Whom I figured out later, and I didn't agree with who you were, which is why I broke up with you.

Me: #1. She's close enough I can trace the family tree. She's in fact the same distance as Ryan Hall is to me, and he calls me cous. Are you going to tell me that Ryan's an idiot for calling me his cous? No, it's just "different" because Keni doesn't know, or just won't say it.

Who you are now? Who you are now has been an asshole to me, especially when you first started dating Keni. And now, you used the short timespan as a weapon to publicly humiliate me--even if 80% didn't know what you were talking about. You say I'm a friend, yet you rarely if ever talk to me. More than likely, you've even gotten me hidden on your news feed so that you don't have to see anything I say or do.

Vagueness is being vague. I get it, you can't make someone into who you want them to be, and I appreciate it that you wouldn't go so far as to try and change who I was. That's still not telling me who I am...or who I was, as you put it.

Jackass: Oh Keni knows you and her are related. Trust me. I've told her. She accepted that fact long, long ago. I just don't see why it should matter that she's related to you and I'm dating her. Those two things seems totally irrelevant to each other. That's the topic i was trying to explain to you.

Darcy, I'm someone you'll never understand. So don't even try.

I thought we had common interests. I thought that's who you were. I thought you would be a person I would enjoy hanging out with. You were, until I figured out that we had basically nothing in common.

Me: Wy, I know you aren't close with most of your extended family, but I am. And I'd really appreciate it if you'd accept the fact that I value family. Especially because my family, and those who may be great-aunts, cousins, etc, are much closer than you'll ever understand.

And speaking of understanding, why do you even try to pretend that you understand me? You're also the one insinuating that I care who you're dating, when I've never said that. Sure, it's funny to watch others' reactions when I say my ex is dating my cousin, but you're exactly that--my ex. And when I'm finally treated like a friend rather than an insignificant past, then I can say that my friends are dating.

But thanks for going into more detail there...I guess. You're still using the word were in there, and you sort of imply that you didn't enjoy hanging out with me just because we didn't have much in common, but whatevs...

Jackass: Please don't call me Wy. Makes me feel uncomfortable.

And that still doesn't answer the question of why you don't like Keni and I dating. And I am close with the two cousins I actually have contact with, Sara and Alec.

I don't even care if I understand you or not, Darcy.

And i didn't "sort of" imply. I DID imply that. Once I found out we didn't have much in common, fun started to vanish. Because I want to hang out with people who want to do the same stuff I do. I want to be able to relate to those people. Share the same feelings and attitudes with them. I couldn't do that with you.

Me: Well it's pretty damn hard to answer why I "don't like it" when I don't actually give a damn. Never have I said "I don't like you two dating", it's just what you automatically assume. Has it ever occurred to you that I might have disliked the circumstances more than who she is? No, it clearly hasn't, which is why you have no room to talk when it comes to what I think.

If you don't care, then stop trying.

And I'm sorry you weren't able to accept me for who I was, let alone compromise.

Well, that was a waste of time. But, sometimes seeing what really goes on makes more sense than my endless rambling. :/

I feel really tired now, and kind of sick. God, I hate this...and I had such good news to report. That will have to wait till tomorrow, I guess.

Stupid People Piss Me Off.

I'm getting really sick of people and their whining. I'm sick of my own whining. Granted, I know many would say that venting and ranting is different from whining, but that's what it feels like to me...I don't like to bore others with my problems. Because it drags the conversation down, and it might drag them down, and what I need most from friends is happiness. Sooo...that's mostly why I feel like I've been doing nothing but complaining.

There are way too many people who do hardcore whining nowadays, though. I swear, I need to stop reading comments posted online. I made the mistake of reading the comments on Alice and Kev, that cool website with two homeless Sims 3 people. Honestly, most people need to SHUT UP. If you have nothing good to say about it, don't say it at all. As of late, posts are alternating between Kev and Alice. Kev is entirely photos, without words. People, GET OVER IT. Do you have an explanation for his wandering around the countryside? Oh wait, is that a NO I heard from you? Well durr, didn't it occur to you that the author ALSO has no fucking clue what he's doing? And on top of that, there's something called Free Will on the stupid game. The author already said he does as little manipulating as possible on the game, which is why all interactions with other characters are all done on their own free will. Dammit.....

And another thing: the website is not a fucking STORY. It's an experiment, to see just what will happen if you take two characters, make them as homeless as possible, then leave them alone to their own machinations. You don't like a post without words? Do you really want the author to come up with a retarded storyline that may turn out WRONG in the end? Fine, go find someplace else. Someone already ripped the idea off on the Sims 3 website, you can go read her shit. And it really was shit....I much prefer Robin's version. He won't even stoop so low as to narrate every damn photo. "Kev is walking across a field. And still walking. And now he's crossing a bridge." Fuck, that'd get so boring I'd quit in a second.

But when there's no words, we can only wonder what's going on. And I like that.

Now because I just want to say it: Jackass isn't just a jackass, he's a total ASSHOLE. I can't believe my cousin is stupid enough to not see that, but I guess I'd thought wrong. And I will celebrate when he moves away, so much...He tried doing things on his terms again with me. "I'm willing to talk, but someone's not responding". Burn in hell, asshole, you sure weren't willing to talk before! Just because YOU want to now, on YOUR terms, doesn't mean I want to. Fucking get over yourself.

Then on top of it, when I told him what bothered me, he defended himself. As usual. By sending the retarded message "I don't". You DO asshole, or I wouldn't have a fucking problem with it in the first place! And what the fuck did you think you don't do, huh? You don't talk about my cousin nonstop? You don't have a life? You don't have anything better to do? Well look at that, those two have some pretty substantial evidence to back me up. God....

See, that's why I don't like venting. It riles me up, then it takes forever for me to calm down. :/

But anyways, back to my actual life....I've been bitten quite a bit the past two days, with the 4th of July and helping the neighbors cut down branches. Earlier there was a bite on my right ankle that was bothering me to no end, but now the other one on my left ankle is what really itches...grrr.

Today I had lunch with Aunt Mary & Aunt Ruth too, so that was really cool. We went to the Olive Garden, and OH. MY. GOD. The Tour of Italy platter was HUGE, but absolutely amazing!! I had to bring about half of it home, but it was so worth it...

Then Wednesday is our trip to the Hills! I'm looking forward to it so much, I can hardly stand it....let's just see if I can talk the parents into letting me bring the new laptop along. :)