Why I Love Gender Studies, But Hate Everything Else

Today, one of the CNN reporters I follow posted a story involving a high school student killed by her abusive boyfriend. Of course, this leads her the reporter adding her two cents in, which is fine--it's everyone else's annoying opinions that get in the way. Now I know better than to comment, because this reporter is a feminist herself who will, of course, focus on women as the victims. And thankfully there are the occasional comment about how women can also be abusive.

Then, there was this comment.

"Shifting the discussion to male victims is like trying to make a case for "reverse-racism." Fact is, males are less than 10% of the victims of domestic abuse and they certainly aren't murdered on a daily basis the way that women and girls are. Men commit 90% of the murders in this country, and most are against people they know."

Ummm....I don't even know where to start. To focus on this comment in particular, I have this:

1) Yes, the statistics are true...to a point. To be more specific, males are victims of less than 10% of REPORTED domestic abuse cases involving PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. It is impossible to argue that the statistics out there are accurate when

• Men have zero support when it comes to reporting domestic abuse against a women,
• Men are so stigmatized to report abuse because they are supposed to be the "stronger" sex,
• Abuse is not just physical violence, it is also mental, emotional and verbal abuse as well--which women are far more likely to use over physical hitting,
• And if it is verbal/emotional abuse, what evidence does the man have when it's all so arbitrary?

2) Statistics on murder just made the argument invalid. See how easy it is to make a point all pretty when you disregard all other crimes that are committed? "Men commit 90% of murders! That clearly must mean that they are VIOLENT and women aren't. Hell, men might as well have committed the other 10% as well!" That, and it implies that domestic abuse is the equivalent to murder........I recognize they're both bad, but.....hell, there's enough debate about executions, won't go into that. D:


3) The part that bothers me the most is that the commenter compares male victims to reverse-racism. Which, again with the lists, made me think of a couple disturbing things.

• Suggesting that women should be excused from discussions about domestic abuse because they're reported as the victims more?
• Suggesting men CAN'T be a victim of domestic abuse?
• What about the other 10%? Shouldn't we, as people against domestic violence, make a case for ALL victims and not just the majority of them?

Essentially, it comes down to is it OK to compare victims of domestic violence to reverse-racism? If we define racism as prejudice against a racial minority, then sexism is prejudice against a gender minority...in the case of domestic violence, male victims are clearly the gender minority, and therefore the commenter's post is clearly sexist.

And that's why I want to write a thesis on stereotypes and males in the media. Boom. *bow*

I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just a Little Unwell

I've been stressed beyond belief the past few days, it's crazy. Honestly, usually I can handle a test or two at a time.

Monday, I had three.

Wasn't supposed to have three, originally it would have been just one--Mass Comm. But the speech midterm was moved from Wednesday to Monday, and my Calc test was moved from Friday to Monday also. Plus, on top of these three tests, I had a Survey of Business test today. Holy shit, I've never been happier to not have a test coming up...

So, let's start with that. Sunday night, I spent the night studying with Jean for our speech midterm. It was quite enjoyable, even though I was up till 1 studying with them. Monday was freaking test day, so I tried to study quick before class started, then took the test. Wow, I'm really hoping I did all right on that multiple choice portion, because that essay part killed me...afterward, I studied for Calc. Barely finished that on time, and the last problem was a big struggle (primarily how to label it). Don't know why, but ah well. I just hope I did well on that test, too. Afterwards I ate quick, went to Honors Experience and talked a bunch, then had the mass comm test. That wasn't so bad, but it was definitely more difficult. I'd say it's because I had so little time to study for it, that really sucked. But I survived, and that's all that really matters. :P

Monday night, we had a Quiz Bowl against 2nd Olson, and that was amazing! Ryan was there too, which really made it all the more fun. And in the end, 2nd Beede won it. No surprise there I'd say! :) Later, I went to the Honors Association meeting with Jean and Jordan and brought my Apples to Apples game along. It was really awesome, not gonna lie! And it was a great way to wind down after the stressful day, even though it basically made my headache worse from all the laughing. Damn, that game is brilliant...Then I ended up studying with Jean again for Business, and Jordan there as an aside. Somehow, our study sessions don't turn out that way, and Jean usually ends up on some funky website like FML and starts reading them....but anyway. Note, I didn't get to go to bed till 1:45 because of this test now.

Technically Tuesday morning 5 IN THE FUCKING MORNING. I'm sleeping, and all of a sudden I hear loud voices and the lights in our room turn on. WHAM, I'm awake, Keather's barging in with some 4 or 5 other people, and they're all talking and ushering Keather into the room. I smelled something when they walked in, and the best guess I had while half-asleep and completely dazed is that it was alcohol, and that they had been drinking. One of them had the nerve to ask how the Quiz Bowl went, because they had the signs still taped to the floor. Then the others ALSO had the nerve to tell me to make sure she made it into her loft all right--yet another reason why I'm convinced she was drinking last night.

I. Was. Pissed beyond fuck. And I still am. Honestly, 5 in the goddamn morning is ridiculous. And to make that much noise? More than a little rude, ESPECIALLY when I have a test that day. On top of that, I also had THREE FUCKING TESTS that previous day, and I was tired as fuck. I am so beyond pissed that I hope she read my status and saw how insulted I was. My God, I'm still fuming about it, and if it does happen again, I'm reporting to Cat and Brett about it. I don't mind if she's out late at night, but NOT when it means bringing a group of kids to our room making that much noise and TURNING THE FUCKING LIGHTS ON!

........

All right, I think I've calmed down a bit. Despite the LACK OF SLEEP I GOT LAST NIGHT...*ahem*....I think I did all right on the Business test. I'm nervous to see how I did though, the only paper and test we've done in the class, and I didn't do so hot on both of them. Ahh well. Now it's a wait for our Rock & Roll test, and I'm hoping I did well there, too. There were a few questions I knew I missed...so I'm just interested.

Anyway, it's now Tuesday night, and I'm watching season 2 of Monk with Andrew and Jacob. It's pretty awesome. But every once in a while, as the stress mounts and classes go on...the weeks drag on...I start losing hope little by little.

It's like, I've started to question why I'm in Honors...I'm not doing as well in my classes as I'd like to, at least that's how I feel. Especially as an Honors student, where we're supposed to be getting As and Bs, and I feel like I'm struggling just to get a B in all of my classes....I'm questioning whether I've made the friends I've made. Do I want to go party constantly? No. Do I desperately need the first guy I come across as a boyfriend? No. But would I like to have that guy I can rely on when I feel lonely?.....well, yeah. And there are guys I'm interested in--the guy who sits on the other end of our row in Mass Comm for one. Damn is he hot....but I'm almost certain he's 1) an upperclassman and 2) already taken and 3) so fucking out of my league that it's ridiculous. I could only wish I had a shot at him. Meanwhile, I spend the majority of my time hanging with guys who are already taken, aka Jacob and Chris. FML.

I've liked almost every person I've met here on campus. It's just that all the really great ones are already taken. I'm not complaining though, not too much.

It just feels like there's a moment or two where I wish there was someone I could really confide in. I have Chantel, yes, but she's also Keather's friend, and knowing those two they've probably already discussed my status. What I really need is....peace. A moment where I have no shit to do, where I might be able to read a book for fun for once.

I want to go home. Just for a few. I can't wait for the weekend, and it's only Tuesday. Fuck... :/

What I could really use is a night where I'm not woken up at 5 in the fucking morning. Now that'd be nice.

New Name: The Hot Nerd

Awe, thank you Lawler for comparing me to the hot nerd chick in your chemistry class! I really do appreciate that, even if you're just a high school sophomore boy. :P

And on another note, those parents who feel the SFSD needs to change the school schedule AGAIN so that they start after Labor Day need to get a life...or a hobby. Your kids want to go to school, face it. They don't want to spend their summers with their PARENTS. And it really won't matter when school starts, because they will go outside when they want to go outside. More than likely, your obesity-riddled kids would end up playing video games in the basement during the second half of the summer, and where will we be again?

Yeah, back to the shitty semester tests after Christmas break, with homework to top it off. FORGET IT.

Please, Let This Be The Last Time....

Really, I'm sick and tired of chasing my tail.

All right, Jackass. How many times have we had to have this goddamn conversation...Every comment I make to you is not a personal attack. All I said was that 5 months is damn short in the long scheme of things. That was fucking UNCALLED FOR when you insinuated that our relationship was shorter than how long you've been dating my cousin.

You actually think that I don't know how hard it is to maintain a long-distance relationship? Fuck that, it's hard to keep ANY relationship going over a long distance, whether it be friends, family or significant others. It does not matter what type it is, it is hard. And just because you have moved around a ton growing up doesn't mean it's more difficult for you than it is for anyone else. Has it ever occurred to you that there are other people on the other side of the spectrum? Has it ever occurred to you that it's just as hard for those you're leaving behind? I've been left behind by MANY friends, and I can promise you it's no different. Trying to maintain that long-distance friendship is no fucking different than trying to keep up a serious relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend. And I've been able to maintain long-distance friendships, friendships with people I haven't even officially met yet. Want to tell me that it's not the same? Fuck you, asshole, someday you need to try it the other way around for once, then we'll see what you think.

You actually had the gall to tell me to get over the fact that you're dating my cousin? You say you had NO clue, not a fucking clue, but you did. The first time you ever met her, I told you I was related to her. You knew that in the back of your mind as you asked her out. Can I believe you didn't ask her out as a personal vendetta against me? Sure, even though it's so much easier to think you did. But to tell me to get over the fact that I'm related to her is just stupid. How about you stop referring to her as your girlfriend, does that make any more sense than what you're asking for? No, it doesn't.

You constantly compare our relationship to the present, and you might as well slap me across the face. Thanks for admitting now that you didn't have the balls to tell me the truth as to why you wouldn't break up with me in the past, that's great. No really, it is a small comfort...because at least then, you're admitting that yes, you couldn't fess up to how you really felt. Was it completely, totally wrong for you to string me along for those last two months, giving me the impression that you still loved me when you didn't? Yes, and frankly you should burn in hell for that. But honestly.....if I'm to be your friend, as you so called me, why can't you be honest with me? And if you can't be honest with me, are you honest with anyone else you call a friend? I know you aren't with Aaron Mead, so who else have you fucked with to get your way? Because I can't be the only one who refuses to accept the shit you try to pull on me.

God, I really shouldn't try to inform the incompetent....It's like, I can explain myself over and over and over again, but it never gets anywhere. I can't begin to count how often I told him I don't appreciate how he's treated me these past months, and even though he apologizes, albeit also metaphorically stomping away from the argument like a cranky toddler saying he'll never speak to me again, he still hasn't learned how easy it is for him to go back to treating me like shit. And I won't tolerate it.

Like how I won't tolerate him treating me like shit, yet continues to refer to me as a friend. Because if that's how he treats his friends.... :/

However, why not record this for further investigation...Background info, referring as to whether 5 months is a long relationship or not.

Jackass: You can't call it short when we ourselves didn't last that long :p

Me: Duh I know, but I'm not retarded, I wasn't going to call you out on it over a goddamn status comment.

And yes, I can call it short. One of my closest friends who graduated with me in May has been dating the same guy for over 4 and a half years. That is long, that takes commitment. My uncle has been dating the same woman for over 5 years now, that is long. My cousin was engaged to the same woman for 10 years before they finally got married in 2006, that was VERY long.

Just because I'm not dating, doesn't mean I haven't learned from others. :/

Jackass: short for one person is different for another. and based on the other two relationships i've had, which were both short for a reason, this is pretty long. especially at 1000 miles away. so i really think you have no room to talk.

Me: And if that's what you're basing it on, it's pretty shaky. 5 months--2 months longer than I, and 1 of those months as you said, 1000 miles away. Yeah, really impressive.

You say I have no room to talk, but that's your opinion. If you can't respect what I have to say, that's your problem. But at least I can respect the fact that you've been trying to make a long-distance relationship work with my cousin of all people, when you told me that you couldn't handle a long-distance relationship in the past. I'm sorry for even trying to tease you about it, but frankly, comparing our relationship to what you have now is a low blow.

Jackass: which is still that much longer than you. And you have no idea how hard a long distance is.

what's keni being your cousin got to do with it? It's not like i went out to find a person to date just to piss you off. And i'm definitely not dating a person in your family to piss you off either. I seriously had no idea she was even REMOTELY related to you. I wasn't even looking for someone to date either. At all. So get over the fact that Keni's your second cousin or whatever.

And don't you realize that I didn't wanna do a long distance with you for a reason, Darcy? I didn't have the guts to tell you at the time, but I do now. I didn't wanna do it because I wanted to break up with you there. Wrestling did have something to do with it, but the main reason was because I rushed into the relationship, and you weren't the same person I thought you were. And the person you actually are I can't see myself dating. It's just me. Friends, yes, dating, not so much.

Me: Wy, you're telling me to get over the wrong thing. Can I get over thinking that you had a vendetta against me? Yes I can, and I have. But get over the fact that she's my cousin? Forget it. And if it's not an issue with you, then you shouldn't be telling me to deny someone as family--it's like me telling you to stop referring to her as your girlfriend. Not gonna happen.

And thanks for telling me that you didn't have a pair while dating me. If we want an interesting conversation, why not tell me who you thought I was. And no, I'm not talking about how you thought I was Murphy. And no again, I won't get upset at whatever your answer is, really.

But as a friend, I did deserve the truth...and I still do. Whatever the reason, it's something I obviously didn't get from you. Is it ever too late to tell the truth, no. But you told me you didn't regret us, wouldn't have changed it for anything, and I don't know whether I should believe it or not...especially when you continuously compare our past to the present. Like I was so insignificant, a bad mistake. So if I really am a friend, start treating me like one, please.

Jackass: #1. No vendetta against you. #2. She's so distantly related to you i don't see why it matters that I'm even dating her. It's like you hated it from the start.

I don't regret that i ever dated you. I learned from it. I became who I am now because of it. It's just a section of my life I am not apt to have the best feelings for. I just changed from then, and there were things then I didn't like, and those things shaped me to who I am now.

I thought you were the person who I wanted you to be. Not who you actually were. Whom I figured out later, and I didn't agree with who you were, which is why I broke up with you.

Me: #1. She's close enough I can trace the family tree. She's in fact the same distance as Ryan Hall is to me, and he calls me cous. Are you going to tell me that Ryan's an idiot for calling me his cous? No, it's just "different" because Keni doesn't know, or just won't say it.

Who you are now? Who you are now has been an asshole to me, especially when you first started dating Keni. And now, you used the short timespan as a weapon to publicly humiliate me--even if 80% didn't know what you were talking about. You say I'm a friend, yet you rarely if ever talk to me. More than likely, you've even gotten me hidden on your news feed so that you don't have to see anything I say or do.

Vagueness is being vague. I get it, you can't make someone into who you want them to be, and I appreciate it that you wouldn't go so far as to try and change who I was. That's still not telling me who I am...or who I was, as you put it.

Jackass: Oh Keni knows you and her are related. Trust me. I've told her. She accepted that fact long, long ago. I just don't see why it should matter that she's related to you and I'm dating her. Those two things seems totally irrelevant to each other. That's the topic i was trying to explain to you.

Darcy, I'm someone you'll never understand. So don't even try.

I thought we had common interests. I thought that's who you were. I thought you would be a person I would enjoy hanging out with. You were, until I figured out that we had basically nothing in common.

Me: Wy, I know you aren't close with most of your extended family, but I am. And I'd really appreciate it if you'd accept the fact that I value family. Especially because my family, and those who may be great-aunts, cousins, etc, are much closer than you'll ever understand.

And speaking of understanding, why do you even try to pretend that you understand me? You're also the one insinuating that I care who you're dating, when I've never said that. Sure, it's funny to watch others' reactions when I say my ex is dating my cousin, but you're exactly that--my ex. And when I'm finally treated like a friend rather than an insignificant past, then I can say that my friends are dating.

But thanks for going into more detail there...I guess. You're still using the word were in there, and you sort of imply that you didn't enjoy hanging out with me just because we didn't have much in common, but whatevs...

Jackass: Please don't call me Wy. Makes me feel uncomfortable.

And that still doesn't answer the question of why you don't like Keni and I dating. And I am close with the two cousins I actually have contact with, Sara and Alec.

I don't even care if I understand you or not, Darcy.

And i didn't "sort of" imply. I DID imply that. Once I found out we didn't have much in common, fun started to vanish. Because I want to hang out with people who want to do the same stuff I do. I want to be able to relate to those people. Share the same feelings and attitudes with them. I couldn't do that with you.

Me: Well it's pretty damn hard to answer why I "don't like it" when I don't actually give a damn. Never have I said "I don't like you two dating", it's just what you automatically assume. Has it ever occurred to you that I might have disliked the circumstances more than who she is? No, it clearly hasn't, which is why you have no room to talk when it comes to what I think.

If you don't care, then stop trying.

And I'm sorry you weren't able to accept me for who I was, let alone compromise.

Well, that was a waste of time. But, sometimes seeing what really goes on makes more sense than my endless rambling. :/

I feel really tired now, and kind of sick. God, I hate this...and I had such good news to report. That will have to wait till tomorrow, I guess.