Professors & One's Shitty Spelling.

I really don't think I can take a professor seriously when they mean to write 'punctuation' on the board, but write 'punction' instead. And then, the professor goes on to grade my first graded assignment, he circles a bunch of shit, with the occasional question mark next to it. In class, he says that those are grammar/punctuation things, but doesn't really grade on that. When I talk to him after class, he loosely says they're superfluous.

In my opinion, if you're going to write ANYTHING on a student's paper, it had better be something worth looking at.

Yes, I'm more than a little pissed at this professor. He's a philosophy professor, not an English professor. Then if that's the case, why is he criticizing us on our English? Goddamnit.... I'm glad I didn't do so bad on substance, and I was moderately all right on development (even though I'll probably want to elaborate on that, too). But really, why are my lowest scores organization and clarity? He doesn't say a word on where I went wrong on either account. So how the fuck am I supposed to improve on my paper when I have so little to go on? Even Jean got more comments on her goddamn paper, and she got a B-. I got a fucking C+. I want some fucking directions here! >:O

That's all the more I'm saying on the situation. I know some of the criticisms were right, but that was because they were actually helpful. Everything else is asking rhetorical questions that don't even deserve an answer because they're in the stupid paper.

I ask you, is happiness an emotion? Not simply an emotion, but is happiness, or at least the term happy, a part of its definition in today's society? Because from what I understand from the dictionary, happy is a feeling. Happiness is the state or quality of being happy. However, grammatically, a writer sounds entirely retarded if they say 'Happy is an emotion'. Fuckin' A....I'm going to go kick something, then do some reading, then sleep. :/

Random Crap.

I have the sneaky suspicion that Josh found this. Which is plausible, since I had the link to it hidden away on Facebook till a couple of days ago. 'Course, for anyone to find it, that means they had to stalk my Facebook page. And if he was stalking my Facebook page, well...then stop it. :P

I dunno. Just overanalyzing shit again. Sometimes I think he only tolerates me, hides on Facebook, blah blah. But today he sat next to me at dinner (again, probably just tolerating it). Meh. He knows I don't bother him often. Any conversations over Facebook are minimal or rarely happen. I have his number, but I never text him. I'm making him make the first move, because I've had to do that before. It didn't turn out well. Plus, I have friends. If push comes to shove, they'd set me up with someone.

Besides, I'm so busy with shit this week that I don't have much time for anything else. Should be focusing on homework instead of other things. But I'm pretty damn close to finishing my paper for tonight, and I might settle down and seriously work on my cover letter for my CA application.

On the plus side, Thursday I'm going to a COR (continuous open recruitment) event with my friend Shelby. She's in Alpha Xi Delta, as is my friend Ashley, and I haven't had a person tell me yet that I would not be a good fit in the sorority. It might be crazy, but I am really considering it...which is why I'm going to this event. And for a little tidbit, Kelley Elledge is a sister of the sorority. I mean, come on. She was one of the few women I had as a role model when I was growing up. It would be freaking sweet to be in the same sorority as her!

On another note....random people keep on wanting to talk to me on Facebook. It's like 'No, dammit. I don't wanna talk to you.' I don't like talking to many people period on Facebook. After the first Hi How Are You's that's where my attention span ends and says '.....well nice talking to you!' and I wanna bolt. I really need to stop being lazy and organize my friends into lists, so I can hide who I want to... :/

Can't Define What I'm After

Today (meaning Wednesday) was an amazing day. It really was. I don't think I had fallen asleep till 3 AM, but somehow I was pretty well-rested by 9, 9:30 AM. Anyway, I finally urged myself out of bed and finished a paper I was putting off till the last minute. Went to classes, blah blah, then to our Volante meeting at 5:30. That was nice and short, then I ate with my friends. Josh was sneaky and slipped $12 into my pocket, so that was really sweet too. :3 Then we went back to his place, watched The Stepfather, joined in on the ice cream social on 1st floor Norton, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. Probably the biggest highlight was all of the guys' fascination with the size of my boots--they even joked about whether they came in adult sizes. Pays off to be small! Then when we came back to the complex, we hung out at the front desk, then Miranda and I played a couple games of Mancala.

Overall, the night was amazing. But for some reason, I am so physically, mentally, emotionally drained...I know why, but at the same time I don't, and sort of don't want to recognize it. I'm tired of being alone, even though I'm perfectly fine as an independent, single woman, but I have issues when it comes to handling a simple crush.

Long story short, I've given up hope on the whole relationship thing. I don't make a move of any sort till I know for sure they like me back. For any relationship, really. Until the other person recognizes me as their friend, I don't jump to conclusions or anything. Like with Josh, I'm his friend, yet I still don't have his phone number. And with our friend Kevin, I knew him, but waited for what was several weeks before I felt comfortable enough to add him as a friend on Facebook of all places. What was probably my first crush when I entered college is/was this guy Brandon, and we're sort of friends, but he has a girlfriend. So what I end up doing is limiting just about all contact I have with him, when I don't really have a reason to.

Yet I don't really have this problem with girls. At least I don't think I do. I've no clue really....well, in a way I probably do. If I have a crush on someone, I tell NO ONE. If I do, it's usually with someone who has no mutual connection to the guy, or someone especially close to me. Because if I tell someone, then I'm afraid that will build hope.

So...I don't let myself hope. If I do, I start crushing it and don't let it show. I don't do that very often when it comes to academics or careers or such, and when it comes to that it's more like I hope I can get there, but I don't expect myself to--issues with being conceited and all. I can't stand it when I believe that I can do anything, when I know there will be obstacles that will take more to overcome than I'm capable of making when a certain amount of effort is put forth. Long story short, I hate being egotistical. But when it comes to social stuff...damn, I crush those hopes and crush 'em hard.

If I want to be super-lazy about it too, I could just blame it on Jackass. After all, as the ex, he should be the blame for everything...and even though he had asshole ways to manipulate me into thinking he liked me, I don't think it is entirely his fault. Sadly. But despite that, I think back to when I was first asked out, too. Which then reminds me that I had turned down the first guy to ask me out. Why? Because I didn't feel like I really liked him, and that I would be doing it just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Which was not going to be the basis for any of my relationships--I would just take my chances that someday, I will come across someone who I like, and they will happen to like me, too.

(God, that feels weird to be using the word 'like' when I expect so much more out of a serious relationship...but I guess you have to start small. And I can foresee a simple friendship building into something much more...)

And right now, I have this feeling like something's crawling all over my skin and makes me want to both wriggle away, and just lie on my floor and not move at the same time. Which is why I don't think I'm going to talk to Josh again till Monday at the earliest. I feel too fucking close, and it's really...well, scaring me right now.

I think all of this psychoanalysis is why I've lost my motivation to do any homework tonight. I could just do a little reading, then maybe study, but no. I just want to lie on the floor and stay there. Sometimes I like lying on the floor more than a comfy bed or couch. The floor's hard. Makes me think of other things. I don't know, really...maybe just because it's hard.

In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you

Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around

Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around

Daytona Speedweeks In Pictures

The Daytona 500 has concluded, and Jamie McMurray is back in action! However, as I was digging around for pictures...too many of them were too amazing, and demanded a little...attention. ;)
Let's start off with my man, Dale Jr. For 35, you're still amazingly hot. Now if only he'd grow his hair out a little longer, say as long as it was way back when....

Oh hell yes, let's go back to that...well, with a little stubble still. Damn, this reminiscing is reviving my celebrity crush. :3

He's not exactly new meat, but he hasn't had quite the hype that he deserves. At least till today's performance. Holy fucking hottness, where have you been hiding for so long?! You've gained a new fan, Mr Scott Speed. >:D You know it's a good thing when the man's name is a drug. Or promises of very fast things.

Tony Stewart, you have the greatest expressions of anyone, I believe.

I can't tell, is this 2010 or 1998?...OH, that's right, in 1998 he was driving the 3 car! And there was more blue on his car. But still, very reminiscent of that year. Strange, I actually didn't freak out after he flipped...I actually kind of giggled, and thought it was pretty cool. So did he apparently, asking his PR guy if the flip was worth the ton of money lost on it. God, what I'd do to be his PR person...Sigh.

Speed in that adorable hat of his. I've never hated shirts as much as I do at this moment.

Ohhh Ryan and Tony, how you make a perfect Caption This moment! "Hey, is he trying to get into my trailer? Let's go bust his ass!"

Dale Jr rocking the new beard. How did he know I'm a sucker for facial hair?! Sigh...also, I probably shouldn't be surprised, but I can still make out his scar from when he was uber burned on his neck. That was 2005 when that happened, I think, that detail should've slipped me by now...mmm still smexy...

Caption This moment: Fear or delight, I can't tell...he might've dropped her on her head too often, and her emotions are too confused now... (God, I don't know why he has to have such a cute kid!)

Finally, the champion with his trophy. Speaks for itself, really! :)

Men Crying Is Now Demanded

This morning, while I was watching the prerace festivities for the Daytona 500, I realized something. I couldn't remember the last time I saw a driver cry after winning a race, or a championship. Now I think this might have came about because I've been reading Date Me Baby One More Time, which touches on the subject of men crying. Also, they had just shown a bunch of Jimmie Johnson pictures and shit, and I think he's becoming overblown. Urg.

But back to the subject at hand. Now crying at the drop of a hat, yes that can be very strange. But for something much more deep, like winning a championship? You'd think men were more prone to crying after something as epic as that.

I did in fact tell my mom before the race that I hope whoever won the race today would cry.

I really did, too. Really, a man should burst out in tears for momentous occasions that they worked their whole lives for. Football guys, they'll cry whether they won the Super Bowl or not. In the Indianapolis 500, it was good enough for Helio Castroneves to cry after his victory--and he had won it multiple times.

However, it seems that when it comes to NASCAR, I couldn't for the life of me remember the last time I saw the victor shed a tear afterwards. And I do fear that Johnson has become desensitized to his championship streak. Side effects including inability to appreciate a championship, much less a win, and high expectations of doing it for a fifth straight time...gag me. And desensitization to championships or important races such as the Daytona 500 can be disastrous. If the driver isn't choking on tears because of something so amazing like this, why should anyone else be? I would much rather have a driver like Helio Castroneves milk it for all it's worth (if he wasn't sincere, but since he is, I appreciate that a ton), than have Jimmie Johnson appreciate the amount of work his team did to get him there. Been there, done that, wearing the damn t-shirt.

So we enjoyed the race, in company with an adorable Dale Jr cake that the rental neighbors gave us! I swear, they can NOT move, period. We love them too much, and their delicious cookies and treats... :D

And in the end...the victor gave me my wish.

I absolutely loved Jamie McMurray's victory, because he was more sincere about his win than anyone else has been in so long...a race this big deserved a celebration just as huge, and Jamie delivered. My faith in him has certainly restored! Finally, a driver who has the balls to cry after winning a race... :)

And even though Dale Jr finished second, I'm glad he finished second to Jamie. He really deserved the win. And Dale, we're thrilled that you finished second. You earned this positive step in the right direction! (Plus, we know you would've cried too if you had won the race)

Glad My Phone's a Flip Phone...

Usually Facebook statuses are really silly, or just aren't worth reading. Most end up being inside jokes among friends, but sometimes those are the best, and get the biggest response--even from those who don't even know what's going on.

However, my friend Jordan had this rather disturbing status a few minutes ago:

"So, apparently my phone likes to pocket dial 911...DPS was really nice about it. Apparently it happens all the time..."

And my reaction was... :O .... Holy crap! It's bad enough it happens once, but more than once? Now that's something...Funny thing is that every time I've walked past the social lounge today, she was in there studying. Usually for Calculus, I think.

Probably the most shocking status I've come across in a long time.

Dream Walkin'

I believe this is why I want to minor in Psychology. I don't have dreams often. And when I do dream, there's maybe a 10% chance that I'll even remember it. Of those 90% that I don't remember, maybe 25% will come back in some form of deja vu during my waking hours. When they will occur are so sporadic that I can never know when--it may be a week from now, it may be a whole year later. All I know is that I suddenly feel like I've done this before, and am about two seconds ahead of what is only happening until now.

Then there are the dreams that are so messed up that will never happen. Those are called 'normal' dreams. Yet I have to wonder why I had that sort of dream in the first place. Such as, last night. I don't remember what venue I was at, but it was some public event, like maybe a sport or a party or something to that effect. And two things stick in my mind.

1) I had made a friend. She was a nice friend, maybe only 12 or 14 so she was younger, but she was fun to play with. In the rafters above the whole party thing she had this hidden playroom, it was really kind of cool to any kid (and because I'm a kid at heart, I thoroughly enjoyed it). I remember in order to get up there she had to pop open this little door in the corner of the building that opened to an elevator of sorts that took you up to the room. Then to get down, you had to take a slide in another corner. It was very red up there, not pink. But it was a bright happy red, which went pretty well with the rest of the rustic brown the building was. Kinda cool, really.

2) Tony Stewart was in my dream. Now he is a NASCAR driver, and I am a NASCAR fan, yet I have no idea why I would have a dream with him in it. Maybe I subconsciously remember that the Daytona 500 is coming up on Valentine's Day, or maybe I unconsciously remember that this weekend is the Rolex 24 Hours @ Daytona (which he's driven in before). No clue whatsoever. But the fucked up part was that in my dream, we were pretty much dating. But at the same time we weren't. Sort of like this was a total fling.

*Shudder*

Had we been in a room all alone, I'm afraid we would've totally gotten it on.

*Double Shudder*

Not that he's bad to look at, or that I hate his guts....but I can't figure out what would've sparked that dream, with HIM of all famous people. That was just messed up.

Then I woke up and realized that I was sleeping in all Earnhardt clothing. Again, why Tony Stewart of all people?! Sigh.

I've had some pretty strange dreams in the past, too. One was of my crushes of all crushes, my Rafael. In the dream we were having a total affair...a legit one, because in my dream he was married. /facepalm. He was confused, he ended up walking out of the mysterious dream room we were standing in to think about things...I like to believe that because he was thinking, it meant he actually liked me. Exciting thought for my little crush-mind, just screwed up for a dream.

There was a second dream not long ago I had that was very strange, too....but it comes and goes in my memory, and it's escaped me at the moment. Maybe I'll remember it later.

Strange that in my dreams, I'm such a slut. :/