It's a Beautiful Day... :)

Touch me

Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have, you don't need it now...

Today's looking promising...not a single cloud in the sky, literally. It's so bright and sunny out, I absolutely love it. We planted flowers today, so I'm looking forward to uploading the pictures I took of them. Just hope they turned out, sometimes they look better on that little screen than they do on the computer.

Best part was actually just lying in the grass....the sun was so warm, and my legs. Ack. As white as my socks! But that's all right, I've never really been able to tan...but I really needed the sun, so I'm itching to go back and do it again.

I'm really looking forward to Chantel's open house later today! Hopefully they'll have the pool ready, I want more of the sun--the water will be just another plus. And if not, then I'm lying in the grass or something.....Oh, and I have a new pair of shoes that I'm also looking forward to break in! I think they'd fit very well with the whole swimming-sun-summer vibe that is today....and they're also perfect for weddings. Primarily Aaron's coming up at the end of June. Now I just need to recruit Chantel for a shopping day so I can look for an outfit...yes, I'm basing an outfit on the shoe color. I'm a girl, I can get away with it! :P

I really should bring my camera with me for her open house also. That'd be nice.

I guess I've been pretty productive the past few days too. I finished Lover Avenged this morning, which is always good/bad. Good is pretty obvious (I finished it finally), but bad because I am now done with it. No more newness, it's all re-reading from here. Sadness.

Then I finished my drawing of the ever-sexy Rafael. I'm not all that happy with it....mostly when you put it side by side with the original....meh. But I tried.

Tis all for now. I'm off to contemplate changing into my swimsuit and head off to Chantel's!

So I'm Already Gone.

AHHHHHHHH!!!

Kris won. But I don't feel so bad that Adam lost; Kris' first single will now be a cheesy song written by Kara Diguardo, and Adam's going to get an album anyway, so no worries!

Now it's just for the wait to see who all will get an album put out and when....I sure hope it's soon....woot!

Today was all right. Didn't drown today, or at least I don't think I did....But I got to see my grandparents, so that was always awesome! Then lots of shopping downtown. Never thought I'd find my kind of blending sticks there over Michael's, but they did. And for some awkward reason, I could NOT find a stupid ruler! A FRIGGING RULER, come on!! It's a foot long, 12 inches on it. It should be so damn easy to find it that it'd make me giggle. But nooooo.

And on top of the rulers, I looked at drawing pads. Of all the sizes they had, the closest to 12x15 was ONE INCH OFF. Seriously, 11x14. Come onnnn!

But I settled with 9x12. So that should be pretty easy with the conversions. Better than 11, that's an ugly number. Tis a prime number. Bleh.

So ya, that's today...and I got to do plenty of reading from Lover Avenged. Not gonna lie, it's getting seriously hot....yesssssss! :D

And I really wish we could just get one itty bitty scene with Blay and Qhuinn. Not the silly little kiss from earlier. I mean moooooore....ok, more kiss, I don't care, I just WANT!

See, told ya they're hot.

And why yes, I did make that! :D

Buuuuut anyways, I'm digging the series again. Yeah, I wouldn't really mind buring Vishous's book for what Ward did with that, and since then the series kind of went on a downward spiral. But Rehv and that barb....oh hell yes.....

Trying Not to Drown

I'm having one of those days again, and it feels like it's coming on way too early in the morning...

I am usually either having a totally awesome day, or a shitty day where I'd rather curl up in a ball and die. Then I start rationalizing with myself in my head, which will either make my mood better or worse. Typically, it makes it worse. In truth, I think it's because I have very little self-confidence while at the same time knowing that I'm very much capable at anything. I know I can write, but my confidence tells me I suck. I know that I'm not the most unattractive girl out there, but my confidence tells me that I'm not much of a catch, no matter what I do.

So today I tried to tell myself that my failed relationship wasn't my fault. He was the one to ask me out, he was the one to break up with me both times. But at the same time I feel like it's still my fault for what happened.....NO. Whatever "intensity" I showed, I will show to any man I fall in love with. Just because you don't know what the fuck love is and never will, doesn't mean that I don't. So get over yourself and get your life figured out--you won't be there for her when you move to Utah. Both of you are wasting your time--especially you, my blood cousin, because he's just a boy. You deserve a MAN, a nice tall man who knows what sex is. :P

But at the same time, I'm slowly gaining a crush on a guy that I've only met once...and is going all the way to the East Coast for college. Even farther than Utah. And in the meantime, he doesn't even live in town....the closest I'd get to seeing him would be if I make it to church. Which I can, but it's not as often as school or something like that...ha, school's not even in session anymore. It's now OVER.

Graduation went well though. I didn't go to the senior party, but I don't really care. Had I gone, I would've been up till 5 in the morning and most likely crash at Chantel's place afterwards. Instead, I went to HuHot for lunch with the family, and got my first ever checking account with $2,000 freaking bucks put in it right away!! Holy crap....I don't want to spend any of it. NONE. I just wish I could get interest on that baby....

But today? Today, I'm on the verge of drowning again in my pathetic sorrow and anger that I shouldn't feel....my life is pretty damn good, and void of an asshole of an ex who I don't have to deal with anymore--he's my cousin's problem now. And as happy as she might be with him now, she too doesn't see who he really is...same as me, when I dated him. I'm not going to lie, it was an amazing time when I was with him. And he has said as much, and more. But who he is when in a relationship is the Hyde to his true Jekyll form...

I'm glad to be rid of him now, though. Why? Because for the first time in months, I can sit back and look at men and actually see the HOTNESS. Holy crap, I'm just one more step closer to who I was before I started dating him!! I can finally see again! And I mean that literally, really....before, he had been all I could see. Anyone else, I really didn't care. But finally, I can see that other men are a LOT more attractive than him. And that makes me feel reeeeeally good....

Granted that leads to yet another problem: a certain friend who doesn't know how to find her own man. Yeah, I screwed up and pointed out that one of the guys was kinda hot at Phil's open house. I screwed up by letting her make the first move on him. And even though I warned him that her clumsy falls are all a ploy, he screwed up and just might've fallen for it.... Dammit, I wish she'd stop trying to take her friends' guys...otherwise, USD will be rather difficult to handle for me. :/

Which is why I'm pretty glad that she doesn't go to my church. I'd feel especially pissed if she went after this other guy who I think I shall keep nameless...for now...but he sort of makes me want to go to church just to say hi to him again....meh. :P

If you haven't guessed, I talk a lot. A lot, a lot. Or at least it takes me a while to vent. But anyways. Back to the sexiness that is Rehvenge! :D

Hungry, Impatient and Venting

I'm feeling pretty damn all right today. Surprising, right? I go through so many mood swings that I leave people reeling usually. One day I'm glued to the hip with one friend, then I'd rather not talk to that person for a week or two...I dunno, it's like I'm bipolar, when I'm really not....grrrr.

Wow, depressing beginning there when I'm feeling good for once....why do I feel like that? Probably because I've been reading bits and pieces of Lover Avenged today. Sexy books make me feel happy... :)

Drawing was a rush, but I at least got my semester test done. Now I can't wait to pick it up after school and show it off! It's so kickass...ohhh yes....and psych was pretty awesome too, we had a super easy test that I missed just one question on, then watched The Office afterwards. Hell yeah! :D

Now I'm waiting to go out to eat, don't know where but it'll be sweet...then tomorrow will be hopefully hanging with Megan, or maybe Chantel....will have to see what tomorrow brings...

Ending note:
You should've known that word, 'bout what you did with her would get back to me. --Taylor Swift, Should've Said No

Yeah I know, dumbass. 'Bout all it establishes is that your girlfriend's got a big mouth and she can't keep her skirt on. Then again, it's not like you've got anything better to do.....oh wait, you just don't have anyONE better to do.

The only thing keeping me sane anymore is the fact that I know it won't last. You're moving, she's going to college, and you can't handle a long-distance relationship. And don't try arguing with me about it, because you know it's true. You don't have the maturity for it, and you'll only have her in title--to you, dating means intimacy, as in seeing them allll the time. Nothing wrong with that, but with that sort of distance, even mental intimacy won't save you.

Thank the Lord you don't know about this site and probably never will. But knowing you, you just might find it. Then who's the creepy-ass one, huh?

Ah well. She's got you now, so you're not my problem anymore; she can deal with your shit from now on. But oh wait, she hasn't dealt with your crap, hasn't she? She in fact snubbed your attempt at a creative little top ten list of why she should date you. The same top ten list I saw on the back of Waterman's shirt before. Wow, really speaks a lot about you, considering you hate the kid. You earned yourself a lot more hate than Waterman has, so stfu. Asshole.

Wow, did I really need to vent.... :/