I feel all cuddly at the moment, so I figured I would blog. Basically I had a sandwich, got an awesome Dr Pepper (the special one with real sugar), watching SNL & the Toyota all-star race on Speed Channel, and chillin in my comfy chair. I keep going back and forth between smelling hairspray or my new jersey. It's kinda weird, but I like the comforting smell of the jersey. It smells like Yankton, the ice rink, and hockey. I was totally going to try and go for the 18 jersey, because HCB told me the other day that he used to wear the 18 or the 16 when he played hockey. Well that backfired when a parent bidded on the 18, so I went for the unnamed #1. I figured if anything it'd be like pulling an HCB since his soccer jersey is of #1 with his name on the back. Pretty sweet in my opinion. :3
All of it went for donation anyway, cancer association woo! The jerseys are awesome and have pink on them. Even HCB wore them Thursday when they had the table set up, but since he was also wearing his business suit he had a pink tie underneath it. :P
These weren't lucky jerseys, though. We didn't do so hot against ISU, which granted is a pretty big school. After the progress the guys have made so far, we'd been so damn close to winning, and now it felt like a step backwards. I felt bad because Friday's game I didn't talk to HCB--that was due to Sam wanting to go through her plan and I was more than willing to let her. Then Saturday was the auction/big game day, and even then they struggled. I caught HCB when they were finalizing the auction and he wasn't too happy. I thought he'd say more than just hey how's it going, so I asked how he was. Basically he'd shrugged, a lot, and said he had a lot of work ahead of him. I went yeah and just stared at him for a little while....then he finally sighed and said "That was not one of their better games." Then he got a little pissed at one of the players that got a concussion at one of the games against Dordt (a 2.5 concussion on a 4 point scale from what Stephen told me), the player was rough-housing with another kid when he really shouldn't be. I did think it was adorable though when he was able to fake a good attitude when a boy came over asking HCB to sign his puck. :)
I don't like it when he's that frustrated/stressed/sad. It's about 3 weeks in and he's already convinced himself he'll be deported at semester time from grades not making par, and it's tough because he's taking economics and accounting -- math-based classes that he's never done well with. Then with everything else he's got to deal with, it really does suck.
Do I feel disappointed nothing noticeably more will come of us, a little. But I can't deny that I've felt better since I know he wants to stay friends. Mostly because if we stay friends, nothing will change for the worse. I look at it this way: 1) He could've cut off all contact with me, which was my biggest fear. 2) He could say yes to dating, but that would mean he may leave at any time through deportation or boredom, he might be more likely to hide information from me, and it'd be expected to have regular contact when his schedule is busy enough as it is. 3) He could say stay as friends, and we have a mutual understanding. With this last choice, I know that he still trusts me like a friend--meaning that he won't pretend that he doesn't drink too much with me, and will still give me shit for anything and everything. I like the confidence he has with me.
However, as for Sures....no more of him. I can make casual small talk. But don't expect much else from me. Now he's just an ass. >.>
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