Just keep your head up, stay optimistic, stop with the overanalyzing and melodramatic crap...yeah, telling yourself that over and over again doesn't really work.
It's that roller coaster thing again. Basically, I'm losing hope. Again. And it's a cross between saying fuck it all, and just being pleasantly surprised when something happens. It's not like I really want to give up...but I dunno. Even when I have Sures giving me all the encouragement he could give me, teasing me as often as he can about it and everything, I still can't believe him. Not with something like this. Largely because he's not HCB, and I have issues when it comes down to 'he said she said.' I know Sures has good intentions, but I just can't bring myself to hope that much.
And Sures knows that it's HCB and him alone. Side note, Sures is just about as much a flirt as what HCB is, as shown by when he sat down between Alex and me when we were hanging out in Richie/Olson's basement and proceeded to put his arm behind me. I just leaned wayyy to the left and stared at him with big eyes. But mostly leaned away. Which then made him laugh and made some flippant comment about how he didn't want to make HCB feel jealous....only one of the times of him joking that HCB likes me. But I still don't know what to say about it.
The thing is, my shyness is proving to be a lot more difficult to overcome than I thought it'd be. And because of that, the questions start creeping in about whether or not this will all be for naught. If I really wanted to be optimistic, I could overanalyze the shit out of hey, maybe he hasn't said anything because he's a guy, and guys are just as afraid of rejection as girls. On the other hand, he really doesn't seem like one to have this shyness. He's shown he has no problem with approaching women. Does that mean I wouldn't put it past him? Oh hell no. I think he's entirely capable of having his shy times, because he's let me in on some of his other insecurities. He can be entirely full of himself most times, but he's insecure about his weight like crazy. So therefore, I believe he's capable of feeling shy, too.
But then again, it usually comes down to damn it, make some sort of contact. Regardless of past evidence, I never saw him at all hours of the day when he was living in the dorms; now that he's out, I'll be lucky if I run into him at the MUC. And right now, I feel like I'm putting a lot more effort into contacting him than he is of me. Would I hold it against him, no. And if I really thought about it, he very possibly initiated a few more texts than I did because of the times he asked whether I could edit something for him, check mail, whatever. However, it was only if he wanted/needed something.
Not to mention he gets on edge if you text him about random stuff. He's given me crap for it in the past, so he doesn't get it any longer. :P
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